Sunday, November 22, 2009

Rethinking and Reinventing ... a Life.

NANOWRIMO is eating my soul. Chores are eating my soul. If you read this post you will be able to see someone adding words to their NaNoWriMo storyline and how dirty it all is. I am not stopping for anything. Even paragraphs, so good luck on following my thoughts. I told the Mister this morning - or suggested to him - that we stop doing everything. I don't want to wash clothes any more or change the bed or answer the telephone or go to work or ... just don't want to do anything.
(Oops! A paragraph.) I feel tired out and used up and washed out. I can't take on one more project in November and yet I have signed up for NaNoWriMo and it's not getting done. I did it in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and I'm wondering if I really need 50,000 more words of something I don't do anything with. Don't worry. I am not truly depressed, but just tired of fulfilling chores that require me to be somewhere else and not working with my hands at doing something beautiful (to me anyway). Something beautiful would involve paint and scissors and glue and glitter and more images clipped from here and there. Will the police come to the door if I don't finish 50,000 words? No, of course not. So I may opt out this year and just give myself a break. I think it would be a big, big relief. I have been getting my e-mail pep talks "You can do it!" type of thing. "I've been there, and we find out we can do more than we think we can." Etc, etc.
I know that and I think I'm doing that every single day anyway. I am learning Dreamweaver and on Friday I updated our company Web site, so there is no lack of learning new stuff. There is also the new copy machine at work that involves printing, stapling, folding, bypass trays, Tray 1, Tray 2, Tray 3 and thick 2 paper, thick 3 - Yikes! Learning, learning, learning, and everything takes three times longer.
Well, I have blathered on long enough. If you have made it this far, you will know I'm feeling frustrated and tired and overworked. I no longer wish to peer into the computer screen for more than 8 hours. I want a break. I want to work with my hands on actual physical objects. So this November I declare myself free, free, free to do what I want (within limits, of course) - femminismo
p.s. Needless to say, I still require more practice with Photoshop!
p.p.s. YES, it did feel GOOD to draw my dream about stabbing the copier!


Becca Holso said...

Life is too short and too precious to waste on things that just aren't important or special to us. I say opt out and give yourself a well-deserved break =)

Candace said...

Do what you WANT to do, not what you think you "should" do. I love beauty no matter what form it takes. No reason you can't write any other month...
And that little drawing is uhmmmmm.... let's talk about that later, shall we? lol.
Your Pal

femminismo said...

Oh, I know. The drawing is deeply emotional. I don't really think I want to kill the copier ... most of the time anyway!

ArtSparker said...

This is reminding me of the old saw "Why are you hitting yourself with that hammer? " Answer: "Because it feels so good when it stops".

But I struggle with the other side of the coin, my fear of committing to a Serious Project as opposed to hit and run comic relief, which I know I can do.

jlbowler said...

It's OK to drop out this year. You did four in a row and deserve a break. I took a year off last year. I can't believe that you write professionally and then still want to set another big deadline for yourself in November. I finished this year's NaNoWriMo last night but the last 10,000 words were very difficult. I considered stopping but was too stubborn after going that far.
Your pie looks amazing and your online journal is a wonderful project. I'll check back again later!