TRUTH: It's Christmas Eve and I feel as if I'm waiting for something.
Truth: It's Christmas Eve and I feel a bit resentful that because of the weather I am not with more of my family.
Truth: Because the Mister and I don't share the same religious upbringing, this time of the year can be a little ... different. I miss the customs I used to observe and I think he finds himself conflicted. Growing up, he must have felt different from most of the other kids and families around him. It is difficult when you feel you have to explain yourself.
But just because I'm being truthful and whining a bit (on Christmas Eve, when each year, as a child, I would be so excited I would feel as if I held my breath the entire night) please don't feel sorry for me. I have had more than enough chances to experience the happiness of being showered with gifts and love.
It's just an awkward sense of emptiness inside - a little grieving, I guess - as I think back on noisy, festive, pleasant times with people who are no longer here to hold and kiss.
Or maybe it's a wish that I had been more prepared and mailed packages and more cards. And why do I think that would have made things different tonight?
Perhaps I'm just a little disappointed in myself. And maybe I should delete this whole entry and begin again. Or maybe not. I doubt that I'm the only one tonight who wishes for a little more of something they can't quite explain. Some might suggest the solution is religion, remembering the "reason for the season." They might be right.
I think I had better quit for the evening. Above is a picture of a Christmas tree my Mister "made" for me. He found branches and put them together on a stand and I decorated it. Life was just too busy this year with work and snow and ice.
It was fun to find this tree picture. It lifted my heart a bit to remember how he wanted to make the season special for me and give me this homemade "Charlie Brown" tree - femminismo